To be A True Follower

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I have an app on my phone that allows me to read a devotion each day. During Lent, I've been reading two different devotions. They are both very good.  
One of them is by NT Wright.  He has given me much to think and ponder on during this season.
Today's devotion was one that has had me thinking and pondering all day.
The scripture was Matthew 16.  I read the whole chapter but the words in verses 24-27 jumped out at me today.

24 Then Jesus said to his disciples,“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save their life[f] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 26 What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?27 For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.

This particular passage always gets to me. I never feel like I have done it. I never really feel that I have given up my life - forgotten about myself and my own selfishness -- and followed Him.  I am more selfish than I care to admit every day. 

 I don't want to get up and find my kids shoe, I just sat down for crying out loud.

 I don't want to cook supper. 

I don't want to go to church for the second time today.

 I don't want to hear bickering kid again and instead of yelling, be patient, calm and graceful. 

I don't want to offer mercy when I really want to offer unkindness and spew angry words when my husband hurts my feelings.

This list could go on forever.

I am reminded in reading this passage how very little I am like Jesus and how much farther I have to go in this journey to be a true follower.  A disciple of The Way.  

That is who I want to be.  To be a disciple who will follow my Lord where ever He leads.

Even when it means letting my pride go or forgetting how tired *I* may be and going to help my children when they need help. I want to be like Isaiah and say "Here I am, Lord. Send me" -- to whatever he asks.  

As I went through my day, and thought on this passage, it reminded me how little I really know about what it mean to be a true disciple.  How little I know of Jesus who is Holy.  And as I thought about this a song came to my mind. This song gets to me every.single. time. I hear it.  

What DO I really know about following Him?

TRULY being a disciple?

What DO I know of Holy?

What DO I know of wounds that will heal my shame? 

{I know that I have shared this video before, but I promise it's worth listening to the lyrics again!}

My prayer tonight is that the Lord in his infinite grace and mercy will forgive me for not following as I should. That He would teach me HOW to follow him wherever He leads. That He will help me be more selfless. More Holy.  A true follower of the Way.

Let it be, Dear Lord.

Let it be!