My oldest daughter, A, turned 7 back in October and it is causing me great growing pains. Did I ever mention that a while ago I was searching for 'age-appropriate chores' and was astounded to find at 7 - seven!! -- a little girl is considered a tween?That was the beginning of it all. She's only 7 and she is considered a tween? Really?
This all got me to thinking about whether or not I am holding her back in some ways. Not allowing her to be 7 -- not allowing her to grow into her years.....Am I keeping her from doing things that are age appropriate under the guise of teaching her godliness?
I am trying to figure out where that line is. Learning what God desires is of utmost importance and will not be compromised. The question is -- am I pushing it too far?
I have always been very careful about what I've allowed my children to watch on t.v. or listen to on the radio or play with. There are things I've said no to that will not change. For example, Bra*tz......Anything with that name, IMO, is unacceptable -- not to mention the way they dress those dolls. I also do not allow Spon*ge B*ob -- and I really don't plan on changing my mind on that, either. To me, it's just unnecessary.
There are other things, however, that I've said no to in the past that I am having to rethink now.
Things like H*annah M*on*tana and Hi*gh School Mus*ical...... I don't think these shows are unacceptable as the things previously mentioned. But, I've always just felt that she was too young for them.....even though all the girls her age were into them.
She desperately wants to watch Han*nah Mon*tana on tv. She really wanted to see High Sc*hool Musical 3......
Right now my compromise has been this.....We will watch an episode of HM together and go from there.....
And I've told her that I was afraid she wouldn't understand HSM 3 without seeing the other two? (I don't know as I've not seen them) but maybe we can watch these together also.
What advice do you all have ? I am experiencing great growing pains. In some respects, I want to shelter her and keep her pure forever.........but I know that isn't realistic in this world.....
I just so want to bring her closer to her Heavenly Father and not add anything to her life that will separate her from him...This is one of my biggest prayers in life. What do ya'll think?
My children are grown now, 29 and 26. One thing that I have never regreted is not letting them do something that other kids got to do. There are times when I have regreted not watching closely about something I let them watch or a friendship that I knew was not in their best for them under the guise of it could led that friend to the Lord.
ReplyDeleteNow, let me say that my kids were not "bad" kids. Yes, they did some things that I wished they had not and they learned some leasons, etc. I did not have the typical "teen years" with them but I believe that is because of earlier years of caution and training. It was also because of many prayers and God's grace.
The other thing that helped us was not trying to be our kids best friend. We were always their parents and still are to this day. Sure, the relationship has changed as they grew. But God has given us the job of parenting and it doesn't end until we die. Hopefully the legacy we leave will even help them after we are gone.
I think you are on the right track.
Now I will close my book...lol.
I am with you, sister! Kids grow up too dang fast and the stuff that is thrown at them at break-neck speed these days is awful. Even Barbie stuff is overboard now.
ReplyDeleteI feel it is our job to teach them what God wants and expects, and hopefully they will grow up walking closely with Him. However; despite what is on tv or seen at school, I believe the biggest model for them is us- the parents. They may end up watching things they shouldn't, or hearing things that are not for small ears, but if they have been taught well- and shown by example what they need- they are more likely to make good decisions for themselves.
As for HSM or Hannah... if you have concerns- sit down and watch it first for yourself. If you see things that go against your teachings, by all means continue to put it off until you feel she is old enough. I will say that those two shows are my kids' favs... and both shows teach good values (by the end of the show!!) as well.
My kids are sheltered, too... and I think it's OK!
:)
Hey Mindy,
ReplyDeleteI think it's true that a lot of kids are growing up too fast. Age 7, to me, is NOT a tween. But I have found that there are so many battles to have with kids that you have to choose which ones are worth fighting.
Drennan LOVES Captain Underpants books and it has potty language that I,as a girl, don't care for, but I really don't believe that is going to mess with his salvation or mess him up for his adult life. Also he loves Sponge Bob. I can't stand that cartoon and I DO monitor how much they watch of it, but I have found that the more of a deal I make of it, the more they want to watch it. Of course they do have limits with things they do and watch and so forth, but I try to watch things with them or keep a close eye on things like that.
Otherwise, I think when they get to be teenagers they will be more likely to try to do things behind my back if I'm so strict on them that they can't breathe.
Also we have watched High School Musical b/c we love the music. Drennan isn't at all into the boy/girl stuff. And you have to remember that just b/c a child doesn't see things on tv doesn't mean he won't hear about such things elsewhere. Especially if your kids are around other kids. That's why I don't mind Drennan seeing shows like that b/c at least he is with me and I can say if it's good or bad and he's not with peers who don't know the difference.
Ok. maybe I should've e-mailed cause this comment is way too long.
Wendy
I'm very picky about what my kiddos watch on T.V. I use kids-in-mind.com for detailed movie reviews. It's a bummer that there is so much "boyfriend/girlfriend" on dis*ey channel but hannah is usually not over board. With H*M3 I was very pleasantly suprised how "clean" it was. I felt very comfortable watching it with my 9 and 13 year old daughters and think i would with younger kids too. There is some immodest (low cut) outfits that the cheerleaders wear and a guy without a shirt on but I didn't think it was at all suggestive. Good luck and someday your kids will thank you for extending their childhoods. God bless!
ReplyDeleteMindy,
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for being this proactive! One thing I read years ago is that the word "shelter" is never used negatively in scripture. It is a good thing. Don't be afraid to exercise your Mom instinct to "shelter" in certain areas... and frankly if there are certain shows that make you uncomfortable, either limit them or make them off-limits. She won't be missing anything important and she may be missing out on a lot of JUNK.
I remember praying years ago when my daughter was about that age about God guarding her from ever being in the "company of fools" because Scriptures states that the "company of fools suffers harm." Well, through prayer I realized that many of the characters on her favorite TV shows were fools! Oops! (That was back in the day of Lizzie McGuire and the Olsen Twins...) So, not only did I limit some of it, but we talked about things a LOT. We talked about things so much that now, at 15, she makes decisions on her own what not to see. For instance, a BUNCH of her friends, and even her best friend, went to see Twilight this weekend. She decided that the premise of that story is not God-honoring, and not something she wants to be attracted to, so she decided *on her own* not to go see it, and did something with another girl and friends from their youth group who felt the same way. She didn't miss out on fun, she missed out on junk.
I say go with your "guts" on these things. Don't let the "world" label her. I haven't even let the world tell me my child is a "teen" even though she's 15! Those are manmade terms for categories of children who are characterized, for the most part, by foolish behavior. No thanks. :)
I could go on and on on this topic, but I'll close by saying you are an AWESOME mom!
7 is a tween!?! No way. 7 is a child :)
ReplyDelete