Lately, I've been reminded of how hard it is to really forgive.
I mean truly forgive..... It's like just when I *think* I've let go of something and laid it at his throne, something happens -- a reminder, another little jab of some kind, another hurt -- and bam, I'm right there in the place again. Realizing that either I never really laid it down to begin with or I laid it down and picked it up again so fast that my head should be spinning.
And then, there are the times when I start feeding the unforgiveness....which, truth be told, turns into a longing for revenge and retaliation.
I've been struggling with truly forgiving a lot lately. All these little jabs and reminders seem to come fast and furious. A friend of mine reminded me to pray ---so I have been attempting to remember to stop and pray instead of picking that hurt back up and letting it fester inside me.
Today, God had me read about Joseph and his brothers. I was enjoying reading a favorite old story and then I came to this....
...and I was struck by how Joseph was able to forgive and how unable to forgive I am. Joseph was able to look past what his brothers had done to him to what GOD was doing in and through him. That is the kind of person I want to be. I know that forgiveness is a process and that it is gradual, but if I continue picking up the hurt, I will never get there....
Change my heart, oh God. I want to be like you.....Help me to lay down this hurt at Your throne and help me stop picking it up again. Instead, Lord, when I feel like picking up the hurt and letting it grow in me, help me to pray. Help me to pray for those who hurt me. Help me to love. Give me YOUR Holy love for those who hurt me. Help me to remember Joseph and his brothers and to become like him. Help me to see past the hurt to what YOU are doing in my life. Amen
in HIM -