I didn't want an attitude adjustment. Matter of fact, *I* was thinking I didn't need an attitude adjustment. Nope, not me. It is e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e. e.l.s.e that was in need of that.
So, it was with that spirit that I got up this morning to do my bible study and quiet time with God.
I knew it was going to be difficult when during my face to the floor time, all these other thoughts and aggravations kept popping into my head.
"Why can't she just own up to what she knows?"
"I will never be able to have a real friendship with her"
"Why doesn't he care that he hurt my feelings"
And a million and one other "I'm feeling sorry for myself" kind of thoughts and statements. And then there were the thoughts of "I'm supposed to be praying - what in the world is wrong with me?" So, I prayed about some of that stuff....."HER bitterness is causing us turmoil, Lord."
So, I struggled through my face time, went and grabbed my cup of coffee so I could think coherently and sat down on the couch. I always turn on my computer to do my bible study so that I can have different bible versions available in case I need to read other interpretations than my NIV. I opened my email ( I KNOW! NOT the reason my computer is on...but I usually scan my email to see if there is anything that needs my response after I'm done).
This morning, there was an email from one of the girls in my bible study at church. We had been having an open discussion about Unity in our church and she had sent an email about that. I opened it, to see what she had to say. It was a devotion that she had received herself and it was all about choosing NOT to be offended.
Well. I will just go ahead and be honest here and say at first, I was like what? What does this have to do with anything? And why is she sending this to me (it was to all of us)? Then I read it.....and felt convicted. but just a little bit.
Then, I moved on to the bible study I am working on right now since we are in between studies at church. It is a bible study for preacher's wives that I picked up at the Deeper Still Event this past weekend. Today's lesson? It was all about ATTITUDE.
Seriously, the 2nd paragraph begins with these words, "The addition of a little 'attitude' goes an amazingly long way toward changing a person's entire outlook on a situation."
I stopped right there and said, "ALRIGHT, God! I see where this is going today!" And I rebelliously added in my thoughts -- as if He couldn't hear me "I. Don't. need. an. attitude. adjustment. -- he does. she does. they do....but NOT ME!"
Well, girls. By the end of my lesson, I realized that I do indeed need an attitude adjustment this day. I've allowed some bitterness to creep into my life toward some situations and some people. I've been allowing that bitterness to get in the way of how I view people and my own joy in the Lord. These negative things in my life have been stealing my joy and I cannot allow that to happen any longer. I read in Proverbs 14:10 that bitterness keeps us from joy....Acts 8:23 that bitterness leads to sin....and in Hebrews 12:15 that bitterness causes trouble and defiles.
And that is how I began to feel defiled. BUT I was still struggling with those pride issues, too.
Hear the whining I'm doing here, "BUT, LORD! It's so unfair! Look at how this person is hurting me. OR this person was so rude. OR this person doesn't seem to care."
Next, I read in Philippians 3: 15 about Paul encouraging me to press on toward my goal. What is my goal? It's becoming mature (and likeminded with Christ!) in my attitudes. And then I read this statement..... "That type of maturity leads people to INTENTIONALLY choose blessings over bitterness." (emphasis mine)
Rolling my eyes, "OK God.....I will do it. I WILL count my blessings and stop being bitter."
I'm gonna be honest here girls and tell ya'll something. I am going kicking and screaming into this attitude adjustment. I don't want it, but I need it. I want to hang on to those hurts and demand apologies (at least in my head). I want people to realize how much they've hurt me! BUT that isn't what God is calling me to do. He is calling me to lay those things at HIS feet and let him deal with them all.
I will choose to count my blessings and let go of the bitterness. Let go and let God!
What about you? Do you need to join me in kicking your way through letting go of bitterness today?
Join me, won't you? We will all be more like Jesus in the end by doing so.
*I had planned on posting about Deeper Still today.....God wanted me to post this instead. Maybe he will let me tell ya'll about Deeper Still tomorrow....**
SO, I'm off to fight through my bitterness. And get my unwanted attitude adjustment......