This morning I was doing my bible reading. Right now I am reading in Judges and today I read chapter 3. I read about the very 1st judge that the Lord sent to bring the Israelites back to Him - Othneil.
Then I read about the 2nd judge. His name was Ehud. And he was left-handed. When I first read that, I kind of laughed. It is amazing the things in the Bible that are funny. It is so refreshing to know that God has a sense of humor! The first thought I had was that the people who think that left handedness is of the devil are wrong and HERE is the proof. The Lord was using this left- handed man to save his chosen people. If you haven't guessed already, this struck me because I am a south paw. And I'm the only lefty in my family so I'm always happy to find that that is a good thing.
Then when I read the notes on Ehud in my Life Application Bible (GREAT study bible, btw) it spoke of the fact that Ehud's left handedness made him unique. And God used this uniqueness to deliver the Israelites from captivity.
I'm in a season in my life where I am desperately trying to figure what comes next. Next year I will have two of three children in school and my youngest will have two years of preschool before starting Kindergarten. That might not mean a lot to some folks but to me -- it means it is time for me to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my life.
Before having children, I was a public school teacher. I taught exceptional children in grades 3 - 5. And while I really enjoyed working with these kids, and I do have a passion for this population of people , I KNOW that going back to work for the school system isn't what I am supposed to be doing.
The trouble is that I'm struggling. I don't really know what I am supposed to do. I think that God is calling me to be a christian counselor. But then my self - doubt kicks in and I begin to wonder......
Is God really calling me to do this? Or is it just my wishful thinking?
How will I go back to school and get a biblical counseling degree when the only schools that offer it aren't near me and cannot be completed on line?
Is this really what God wants? If so, shouldn't it just all work out and not be so hard?
So when I attended the Women of Faith preconference and Dr. Henry Cloud spoke on our dreams and God's dreams for our lives, I bought both of the books he had to offer. I've begun to read 30 Days to Your Dreams. I have finished day 2. Day 1 was all about Acknowledging that our dreams come from God. That is difficult enough for me (see about question about is this from God or from me?) but I am accepting that God gives me dreams for my life.
Day 2 was about seeing myself as God sees me. That He wants to give us our desires for our lives (if they are in His will) -- GOT this one!!!!
Then comes what I am to read and work on tonight. I glanced at it last night and it has set me in to a tizzy.......Because Day 3? It's all about Uncovering Your Dreams..........
I looked over the questions and I don't have answers for them.
I cannot answer what I did with my free time as child or what was my favorite toy and why. And the biggest ones I can't answer are -- if I had to chose one thing to do for the rest of my life what would it be.............AND to be quite honest I don't know what activities come easily to me.
I am usually a pretty self -reflective person -- but this is so hard for me for some reason. I cannot figure it out. I don't know whether it is that God is telling me to wait on HIM some more. Then I would KNOW my problem is patience. OR if the devil is just trying to get in the way of God using MY uniqueness. I want to be like Ehud. My greatest desire in life is to fulfill God's purpose in my life. To be and do all that HE is calling me to do. I want to use the gifts, talents and dreams God has for me. I just don't know where to start.
Anyone out there got any advice for me?