Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Tuesday's In Other Words

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One who is leading."
~ Oswald Chambers ~

Wow. What a quote. It has taken me years to become one who can handle a quote like this. Years to really comprehend it's reality. Years to fully believe that GOD is in control and understand that HE is truly leading my life.

It is easy to SAY it. "God is in control and he is leading my life". It is much harder, In my opinion, to FULLY believe it.

When I was younger I didn't understand this and thought (for various reasons) that God couldn't possibly be really involved in my life. Even though I grew up in church and was there almost every Sunday, and I heard it said that God was in control - it was hard to believe. OH, I heard it over and over and I knew all the bible stories that should have made it a reality for me. In fact, when I was in our youth group and we would have Bible Trivia tournaments, I was the girl everyone wanted on their team because I knew all the answers........(I need to mention that we played with the kids cards not the adult ones......most of those are still too hard!) I could tell you all the answers but it was hard for me to really have FAITH as in this quote.

Now, almost 20 years later, I still have struggles with faith. But I have come a long way. I can look back at my life and see God's workings in my life and see where HE has been in charge even when I was stupid enough to be playing god of my own life.

I've said in previous posts that as a child I was sexually abused by a care giver. Having innocence lost at such an early age - and feeling like it was really my own fault that this happened to me, led me to some destructive behavior in my early 20's. I was very promiscuous - I'm very ashamed to say. And never once did I have a scare of pregnancy in my stupidity. I don't say this to brag -- I say this to drive home my point that GOD was FULLY in charge of my life. See, once I got married and hubby and started trying to have children, it literally happened the 1st month we didn't use birth control. The second time was exactly the same and the third time? We were still using birth control. SO - looking back now, I can fully see how God was in control. Pregnancy for me came easy and when I think of my foolishness in those years, I should have had the consequences of an "unwanted" pregnancy to deal with. BUT PRAISE be to the father, he spared me this consequence.

I have learned so much to really trust God in this past year and fully see him as IN CHARGE of life -- all life. And as far as the "not knowing where it is being led" part -- I am living it right now. We've been led to a new place and there is much to be done in this place. I am learning to stop worrying about the WHERE and just to fully trust and allow the ONE I love to lead the way. Hubby and I were just talking about this a couple of nights ago. We really want to be God's hands in our situation and to do that we have to be fully IN TUNE with him.

This is an awesome quote and one that I am still learning to make a reality in my life. I am thankful for where HE has led me thus for and for the understanding he has given me. And as hard as it may be, I fully in tend to stop worrying and the where and remember that I know and LOVE the one who is leading. And to remember that HE is sovereign and loves me too and HIS leading can NEVER be wrong!

If you want to read more thoughts on this or want to leave your own go on over to Sting My Heart!


julie@shanan trail said...

Thank you for honestly sharing your struggles with faith and your history.

I was promiscuous at one point in my life too. I never got pregnant either. I am infertile. I have learned that trusting God with your womb includes trusting Him when it remains closed. He has blessed me more than abundantly by adding to my family through adoption ~

Rachelle said...

You're so right, it's easy to SAY "God is in control" but a whole different story to actually live it. I finally lived it when I gave up, literally, control of anything in my life. Only when I totally handed Him the reigns did I understand. Thanks for your post!

MiPa said...

Saying it and living it are so different from one another. Thank you for a great reminder that God is really in control. Bless you!

Denise said...

You are an awesome blessing precious one.

Loni said...

Thank you for sharing - isn't it neat how God can make the ugly things shine for His glory. Thank you for sharing your pains and how God is shinning you for Himself.

Dana said...

Wow, what a powerful testimony of God's faithfulness in your life. Thanks for your open honesty.

I love your blog, BTW... It is always such a blessing.

Janie Hickok Siess, Esq. said...

Courageous and honest. Bravo!

Cyndi said...

Oh, thank you so much for sharing this. I loved the quote, and how you related your testimony to it was such a blessing for me today!

Ginger said...

You are an inspiration to me as well! Love you!!

Christine said...

I didn't know how much you had been through. You are an inspiration! I see your faith in every post, by the way!

And I didn't get to comment about your conference post. I don't know if you know that I work in a Methodist church and worked at our annual conference as choir director for a couple of years. It was a wonderful peaceful time!

Beloved said...

I love how God is always working in our lives (even when we don't see it or even want Him there). It's amazing how He redeems our pasts and turns them into incredible testimony's for His future. Thanks so much for sharing!

eph2810 said...

Mindy, what a powerful post for this past week's IOW quote challenge.
You know, I think it takes us all a long time to grasp the concept that He never leads us astray. I know it took me almost 35 years to get to that point and totally grasp His love for me.
I think you made a great point in saying that no matter what our circumstance (in your case abuse), He is still in control. We might not understand that will go along with life, but we know that He is there to protect us.

I am sorry that it took me so long to read you post for this past week.

Be blessed today and always.